What it means to be a “man” or to be “masculine” according to society has come to be such a small box. Men are independent. They are not supposed to cry or ask for help. They are supposed to be strong, unemotional even. Men are strong. Dominant. Powerful. Assertive. They only like a few masculine colors and hobbies. 

These “boxes” have been passed through generations, shaping our understanding of masculinity. But what happens when a man doesn’t fit neatly into this box? What if he’s a square peg trying to force himself into a round hole?

This box of traditional masculinity, while seemingly strong on the outside, is fragile. It’s too small to contain the complexity of human experience. By trying to fit into it, many men find themselves trapped, unable to express their true selves or access the full range of their emotional landscape.

Masculinity and Mental Health

Traditional masculinity doesn’t just trap emotions; it can become a prison for mental health. This rigid container, with its thick walls of emotional control, leaves little room for the natural flow of human emotions. While self-control can be valuable, when taken to extremes, it transforms into a pressure cooker of unexpressed feelings.

Imagine a man trying to maintain the perfect shape to fit in. He might succeed for a while, but at what cost? The constant effort to conform, to keep the lid tightly shut on his emotions, creates an immense internal strain. This expectation of unwavering toughness can make it incredibly difficult for men to reach out when the pressure becomes too much—after all, asking for help would mean admitting that they don’t fit.

This is where the concept of “toxic masculinity” comes into play. It’s not about demonizing men and masculinity, but about recognizing how these rigid expectations can damage what’s inside. When we tell boys and men that vulnerability is a crack in their masculine mask, we’re essentially teaching them to close off parts of themselves, setting them up for a lifetime of internal conflict.

The truth is, mental health doesn’t conform to the shape of any box. It’s fluid, complex, and unique to each individual. By trying to force it into a mold of “manhood,” we risk crushing the very essence of what makes us human—our capacity to feel, to connect, and to grow.

It’s time to reimagine what masculinity means. In the realm of mental health, this means creating an environment where men feel safe to open up, seek help, and acknowledge their struggles without fear of being seen as “less of a man.” It’s about expanding our definition of masculinity to include emotional intelligence, vulnerability, and the courage to face one’s inner world.

Depression and Anxiety: The Hidden Contents of the Masculinity 

As we peer deeper into the box of traditional masculinity, we uncover a startling truth: depression and anxiety often take on a completely different forms in men. These mental health challenges, unable to express themselves in socially accepted “masculine” ways, adapt and manifest differently. 

Imagine the box as a puzzle with hidden compartments. On the surface, it might appear solid and unremarkable. But beneath this facade lies a complex array of symptoms that don’t fit the stereotypical picture of mental health struggles:

• Irritability or angry outbursts: There is a lot of pressure for men to conform and act, which eventually expresses itself as anger because that’s a masculine expression.
• Physical fatigue or restlessness: It takes a lot of energy to disguise or suppress, which often causes tiredness or even restlessness because the body is on alert all the time. Remember, mental health and physical health are very closely tied. 
• Risk-taking behaviors: To cope, a lot of men may turn to reckless behavior, which not only acts as a temporary escape but also reinforces their masculinity. 
• Substance abuse: This is one of the most common ways in which men cope with their emotions. Substances can temporarily suppress emotions, but over time, they do a lot of harm. 

Many men, conditioned by the expectations of society, have learned to explain away these symptoms. “I’m just stressed at work,” or “I need to toughen up” become their slogans, masking the true nature of their struggles.

This denial, born from the fear of not fitting in, can lead to delayed diagnosis and treatment. As a result, a man’s mental and emotional well-being deteriorates over time, hidden from view and denied the care they need. 

The tragedy is that while they try to express that they are tough and need no support, they are silently crying out for help. The very structure meant to define and protect masculinity becomes a barrier to healing and authentic self-expression.

To address men’s mental health effectively, we need to recognize these disguised manifestations of depression and anxiety. We must create spaces where men feel safe to open up, express themselves without judgment, and seek the support they need. Only by acknowledging the full spectrum of how mental health challenges can present in men can we begin to dismantle the restrictive box of traditional masculinity and build a more inclusive, supportive framework for emotional well-being. 

Solutions and Support

With time, warmth, and empathy—along with the right kind of support—we can remodel masculinity into a more flexible, breathable space and help men break out of the restrictiveness. Here are some steps we can take to transform masculinity:

• Redefine Strength: Let’s redesign what masculinity means. Instead of being rigid and unemotional, let’s build on a base of emotional openness and vulnerability, recognizing these as true signs of courage.
• Seek Help: Encourage men to view professional mental health support as a tool for growth and empowerment. These tools can help reshape them from within, and help them recognize and express themselves better.
• Build Connections: Prioritize forming genuine, supportive relationships that allow for connection with others. It’s okay to open up and let others in.
• Challenge Stereotypes: Examine the blueprint of masculinity. Question and push back against narrow definitions in media and society that dictate how masculinity should look.
• Create Safe Spaces: Support groups and resources specifically tailored to men’s mental health needs, where they can explore their emotional landscape freely, can also be a great way.

A Call to Action: Stepping Out of the Box

To every man reading this: Your feelings are valid. They’re not flaws in the design; they’re essential parts of your humanity. Your struggles don’t make you weak—they’re opportunities for growth and transformation. Reaching out for support isn’t a sign of failure; it’s an act of strength and self-respect, a willingness to renovate and improve.

To those who love the men in their lives: You have a crucial role in this remodeling process. Listen without judgment, offering support without trying to “fix” everything. Sometimes, just being there, holding space, is the most powerful thing you can do. Your presence can be like a comforting, open space where the man in your life feels safe to step out and be his authentic self.

Let’s work together to build a new concept of masculinity—one that’s strong enough to support vulnerability, spacious enough to hold all emotions, and open enough to let in help when needed. It’s time to step out of the old, confining definitions and into a more expansive, authentic way of being.